Nine Times Over

I

When I die

Whiskey and failure

Know I should have lived

A golden plume.

I have given all my chances,

Blessings,

all my birthday candle wishes

To you, to whom I swore

My life— that one thing,

That one bright swallow

In winter.

II

I’d like to keep this moment in me. 

This wind creeps deep in my bones,

Through my soul

Through my skin,

That porous beige.

All sin has pried my cells

O  p  e  n.

(Feel it, my dead pulse, my edges blurring) 

III

I can’t feel the fingers

That touched you

In the dead spring.

It takes you. (the fledglings

Mock me)

                                                never again

will the wind rush through me

because it is no longer me, how could it be

if you were so intertwined

in the state of my soul.

IV

It’s the shame in the ache

That the pauper

Gave heart over gold.

V

You taught me

In the murky nothingness

I have a feeble somethingness.

You can touch me

(I have a body)

But perhaps you leave with the rest. 

VI

In the end

I will go as well. 

You will be safe still against my breast,

From swirl of eddies

And crag of  slimy death.

VII

Yes

You are the dark at the end

Of my tunnel mind.

Gold plated steel,

You are peeling away,

But you stick to me like you are shiny and new,

Like every ribbon in your hair

Is not only tied to you. 

VIII

Don’t be afraid to die,

How else may you seep

Body and mind

Into a blooming newness?

Imagine to begin

In pale emptiness and

Lack of consciousness. 

When the supernova of my mind

Fizzles out into shorting wire

I will join you in the ground.

IX

Salvage something sweet

For me,

Breathe all dregs of life

Into me

So I may                                 carry

                                                            you

                                                on